


lights

by twinklyhowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, angsty but like not really, i never know how to tag these things, i think its a tad bit sad, idk ya know, platonic, verryyyy platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 23:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3788080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinklyhowell/pseuds/twinklyhowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>dan loved the way london lit up at night, but he loved the way phil's eyes lit up from looking at it more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lights

**Author's Note:**

> i cant sleep and i had this idea in my head so enjoy
> 
> from dan's POV

i open my eyes and adjust to the morning sunlight peeking through the window. he sits at the end of bed, his hand resting on my leg. 

"you fell asleep with the light turned on again, but i turned it off at around 3 when i went to the toilet." he smiles.

i've fallen asleep thinking about him, and i've left the lights on again. i smile at him. 

* * *

 

i've seen many beautiful things in my life, but nothing compares to tall boys with charcoal hair and eyes that could be mistaken for the ocean.

i sit across the dining table and watch. the way he flicks his hair. the way he holds a spoon. the way he taps his feet. he looks at me, wide eyed, still sleepy.

"are you ok dan?"

his voice is deep with a tinge of rasp, you can tell he had only just woken up. i like the way his lips curl when he says my name.

"dan?"

there he goes again.  _i wonder what he's saying._

"are you even listening to anything im saying?" he's waving his spoon in front of my eyes and i watch it dart left and right. 

i open my mouth to speak. "huh?"

he chuckles. it sounds like the hum of chimes from a gentle breeze. 

the english language is a breathtaking thing. who knew that 4 letters could spell something so beautiful that could change my entire life.

_phil._

* * *

 

im strolling behind him on the walkway of the busy street. the clouds are grey and the air smells of rain, but my entire sunshine is right in front of my eyes.

i dont understand how he does it. the way he walks. he way he uses his hands to convey his story across. he's pointing at a cloud that his imagination has shaped to be a giraffe. 

he laughs and grabs my wrist. he quickens his pace as we scramble across the road. 

"what do you want to eat for lunch?"

"i feel like sushi, but i know you're not a big sushi fan, so-"

"we can get sushi!" i watch his eyes light up. "you eat it so much that i want to like it just as much!"

i blush. he notices. i dart my eyes away and continue walking. 

we sit on the same side of table because phil wanted to sit on the comfortable sofa as well. our thighs are rubbing against each other accidently.

he holds his cup of coffee with both hands and i watch the way his lips touch the edge of the cup. 

"can you take a candid photo of me?"

i try not to let my eyes sparkle so much. "sure," is all i can put out.

i hold the phone in his direction, and take multiple photos. 

"ok let me see!" his voices chimes. my heart melts.

we scroll through. "you're beautiful."

"dan?"

my eyes drop.

he grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly. "you don't have to be ashamed."

my heart returns to a normal beat. but all i can do is try and hold back the tears.

* * *

 

"hey dan, can you come in here?"

i stop everything. i stand in his doorway with a smile upon my face. "you called?"

"shut up and come here." his voice is playful.

i leap onto the bed laying next to him on my stomach, and he points at his screen.

"look at all the comments on the latest gaming video."

my eyes skim quickly but all i can see is the same phrase over and over. 

"good old heart eyes howell has returned!" phil chuckles. i like when he chuckles. his eyes crinkle at the corners and his tongue peeks between his teeth.

i blush. he notices.

"oh sorry, didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"you make me feel quite the opposite phil."

his eyes light up as his grin widens. "oh," is all he says.

i rest my head against his shoulder. he doesn't try to push me off. 

"hey phil?"

"yeah?"

"you know i love you, right?"

phil stops typing on his computer. his fingers freeze. "yeah, i mean, we're friends, and i love you too."

i try not to sigh.  _i should have shut my mouth._ "well, i mean, i actually love you."

"dan." his voice is stern but also weak.  _i wonder what's he thinking.  
_

"yeah phil?"

he pushes me off his shoulder. "sorry to bother you, you can go back to doing whatever it was you were." he throws me a smile but it stings like a knife.

* * *

 

i sit on the floor in the hallway. my back is leant against the wall and my arms are sprawled either side of me. 

my chest feels like it's sinking. my fingers are uncomfortably numb. i hold my phone in one hand but i lack the energy to bring it to my sight.

"dan, i know you can hear me, can you please come here?" his voice trails from downstairs.

i cant. a gentle breeze makes its way through the air. the smell of coffee brewing is strong.  _dont make me phil._ _  
_

i hear footsteps. his silhouette makes its way over to me. he sits down beside me.

"it's for the best of us." he smiles.

i shake my head. he grabs my hand and squeezes it tight.

"my apartment wont be that far away, you can always come visit."

"why."

i took him off guard. "huh?"

"why should i come visit?"

"because we're best friends, and i'd love to have you over whenever for a coffee and a chat."

"why cant we do that here? in _our_ apartment?"

"dan." he begins. i see him take a deep breath. "we've been over this."

i roll my eyes. "so because i care too much, you've decided its time to go?"

"its not that dan." phil fidgets his hands. "you know how i feel about you."

"no i dont. you've never told me."

"well, dan, i-" he cuts himself off. "i just cant ok?"

i swallow. i exhale. "say it."

"no, dan, i dont want to do anything to hurt you, you know m-"

"say it to my face."

he sighs. he takes in a deep breath, and the next five words break me.

"i dont love you dan."

"but i love you."

"we promised we wouldn't get to this point."

"so why are we here?"

"you tell me."

i cant tell him. i cant tell him all the reasons i fall for him. i cant continue giving him all this glory when he shuts me out. i cant love him.

"go."

he looks at me. his rich blue eyes weaken in colour.

"i said go. get out."

he hands me a piece of paper. "please dan, feel free to come over whene-"

"GET OUT."

i shut my eyes and hope it was all a dream.

* * *

i open my eyes and adjust to the sunlight peeking through the window. there's no one at the end of the bed. there's no one. and that's when i notice it.

i've left the lights on again.


End file.
